Waiting

We think we are the sun and the moon,

Stardust, we are anything but that.

The sun shines in her time, gives way for the moon and in turn the two have never failed the galaxy.

One too hot, the other too bright

One we branded yellow, the other white, yet they give each other time to reign, the moon goes to sleep when the sun rises, sometimes she lingers in the background…slowly drifting away.

Stardust, we think we are the sun and the moon, but it feels like I have been waiting for my time to shine longer than you have.

Why is it that my soul clings to you even when you are miles away?

Why is it that you seek me when I am out of reach? Is this love? Is this companionship or is this madness?

I don’t know anymore Stardust, what I do know is that I won’t stop waiting.

Out and About: Mombasa, Kenya

And somewhere between my home and the sandy beaches of Mombasa, I did not write neither a word nor come up with a story idea for the 10K novel writing challenge.

A part of me was disappointed on 7th October when I tried to sit down and get some words down and nothing came to mind, and once I got on the road, I got caught up in the sights, loved the company of my sisters and in between laughs, I let go, until…yesterday.

So, I’ll bombard you with pictures (the nices ones) of my trip and maybe this will get me writing again or get me to focus on an idea for at least an hour this evening.

The view from Mama Ngina
Fort Jesus in Mombasa
I took this while we were taking a stroll along the Bamburi beach
sunset at the floating bar at Mtwapa

Desire

I wanted,

No, I thought I wanted,

Maybe…look, would you listen?

I think I wanted what you laid out for me; trim figure, flawless skin, good grades, an 8 to 5 job, feet pounding the tarmac, making my way through every box you modeled for me.

I think I wanted it all because you made it seem like the conditions that would earn your love, your approval, your support… until it dawned on me that the life I was living was your’s never mine, your’s.

I wanted it all, because you made it feel like it was all there was to life.

Image courtesy of Pexels.

I wanted it, I worked for it. I earned it.

I fell under the weight of it.

You told me to get up; up from the pain, disappointment and what you called ‘laziness’ and every time I tried, I fell harder, sunk deeper, until I learned that I enjoyed being on my knees.

So, here I am and this is my desire: to live on my own terms.

Goodbye September and Hello October!

It’s the last day of September and I often feel a certain kind of warmth when a month ends mid-week because I am guaranteed a weekend in the first week of the new month! Well, that was before COVID-19 struck and decided to shake us up!

So, on Monday our President decided that well, the curfew is still on for 60-days and stretched the time to 11pm- 4am. He also granted permission for bars to open and my absolute relief was that schools would still be shut until we are better placed to contain the virus. What sucks about this is that the funding they received from the World Bank and other donors goes into their stomachs and not towards the health facilities!

On books: I was going through my Goodreads “READ” page and discovered I have read and reviewed 165 books so far and some of the best titles I got to read were in June (34 books in total). This month, I read more paperback copies and here are some of the titles that kept me company:

I am currently reading “EndGame by Derrick Jensen” and enjoying drinking lots of tea as well…

On writing: I am taking part in the 10k-Novel Writing Challenge that would mean writing 1000 words every day for the first 10-days of October.

I have been watching Never Have I Ever as well and in a weird way, I am now #TeamPaxton because at least he’s single and his sister called him out on how awful he treated Devi, whilst Ben is cute and considers Devi equal and brilliant- he’s still got a girlfriend, an athletic one as well, so hey…that means he’s got a decision to make!

My September song is definitely: Be Praised by Aaron Moses & Naomi Raine off Maverick City’s Vol 3, part 2 album

And, the greatest thing I have done this month is keep up with my laundry! It’s been refreshing knowing that I don’t have any dirty clothes waiting for me to clean them up and fold them!

In the previous update on life and staying at home post, I said I was struggling with consistently working out and this past three days have been a good run for me, I get to do some squats, push-ups, mountain climbers and 20-second planks in the morning and evening and I feel pretty good about it.

I am looking forward to October and we’ve got 93 days left until 31st December 2020, so live as best as you can, love as hard as you can and be kind- the world needs gentleness.

Speak Softly

You say I assemble my words like we are about to go to war.

I laugh and shrug it off, I always do.

You are back Stardust, you keep coming back and you don’t know why,

It’s killing you, your inability to let me go,

My ability to always smile whenever I see you.

You look at your knuckles and suppress a laugh, then you say,

“Your soul speaks softly to my own, when I can’t take this world anymore, I seek you, the guys say that I hunt for you, like redemption. How is it Love that just the thought of you brings me peace?”

I laugh and shrug it off, but this time, you wrap your hands around me and pull me towards you, I drop my book, my earphones slip out of my ears and you say, “Marry me Love, be my forever.”

I shake my head and close my eyes and gently sway with you, “forever is a long time.”

“It’s as long as we are willing to put in the work, Love. Stop running, catch your breath, just catch it with me.”

And I hear your soul, I hear it speak softly to my own.

Photo by Avonne Stalling on Pexels.com

Weekend plans and everything in between

Hello weekend! Is that you? I’m looking forward to staying indoors, drinking tea and reading books- yes, I just bought 12 new books making my tally come to 18 unread books and now they are staring at me like I am doing them an injustice by not picking them up.

I have been on a roll, watching series like I am paid to do so. Let’s just say that so far, I watched: Summertime, Never Have I Ever and Love, Victor! I’m a sucker for romance and drama, so far let me just state that I can’t wait for the second seasons of these shows and if I am still as interested as I am now 🙂 I’ll probably catch up!

On work: I’d say my week has been eventful. I am happy that we are wrapping up most of the projects and this means completed classrooms and happy schools and their communities.

2-classroom block constructed at Kitare Primary, Suba North.

On writing: October is fast approaching and a friend recommended that I join the 10k Novel-writing challenge and when I read the invite I nearly fell off my seat “10 days. 10,000 words. Are you ready?”

I love a challenge just as much as I am freaked out by it because I’ll be on the road pretty much from the 7th to 12th October and so getting to see this through scares me so much that I’ll attempt it! So, how about it? If you are looking to get some writing done, work on that schedule and pace that you so desire, how about joining the 10K Novel writing challenge? SIGN UP!

On studies: I’ve been taking online lessons, doing my best to participate in the New Heights Fellowship Program and so far, I am learning that I can always do my best, pursue and serve excellence in everything I do and I am also challenged to build more leaders in the communities I am working in.

On publishing and book sales: Look, I’ve been on the receiving end this past week especially regarding Zuri: The Chronicler of Enzi! Phew! If you got the book and read it, is it truly that deep and difficult to read? I need to know…

I took time to set up the publication of “IN THE QUIET” and this is because I have been exploring digital publishing in Kenya and I enlisted the help of a Tech-Expert I know and absolutely admire to help me with this and as they’ve been working on this, I have been editing and revising the book which I hope to share with you at some point this year. I just want it to be the very best version I could share with the world.

I am looking forward to being more courteous and keeping my word in all that I do. Have a lovely weekend wherever you are and I am sending you love and light and a ton of positive vibes.

Caramel

I know the things you wish to say,

I hear them, see them, feel them and when you open your mouth, I ignore them.

With you, I have learned to let you lead by the story you tell yourself,

I have learned to watch you script, direct and live out your story.

I know the things you wish to say,

The question you ask yourself when no one is watching,

When you believe the world is distracted,

And just like that, I’ve watched you create another,

You say I have my walls, my Love, you’ve got fortresses,

They sprout up every time you get too close to letting me in,

So, I watch you, always the invader, always on the outside,

Oh, don’t you know you’re just like caramel? Too sweet and sensuous to ignore?

Photo by Teddy tavan on Pexels.com

Updates on Life, Staying-Not fully staying at home, reading and writing

182 days since we got the #stayathome verdict from the Kenyan government. How are you holding up wherever you are? What have you learned in 2020 thus far?

One thing is certain: we have 108 days to the end of this year and I for one, find myself more aware, present and grateful for every moment I experience.

I have been reading more books because I joined this awesome whatsapp book, admnistered by Prime Book Hubs and simply put- they post books for sale and you get to reserve a copy, pay for it and they ship it to you. So, I’ve been buying books and my first September haul includes a book loaned to me by my sister which I just finished reading.

I absolutely devoured Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan and if you are into books that are set in bookstores with some hidden secrets or puzzles, you’ll love how technology meets print and ingenuity in this book.

I am currently reading Lucia, Lucia by Adriana Trigiani.

On writing: Let’s just say that I need to travel a bit, change the environment I’ve been in- read more, or just kickstart my brain into actively writing this next book. I’m taking a leap going into non-fiction and I am learning that it’s not that easy to string words along. Research takes time and I am forever at the phase of “would you tell me that again?” and it’s driving me insane. I need some patience juice! No sugar please, just the patience juice.

And, how do you know you’ve got your writing mojo?

For me, this involves shopping for stationery and nothing speaks to me more like pencils in the dozens! So, I decided to put everything I’ve got working for me and share a picture, just to prove that I am not losing it, or rather, that I should open up a stationery shop…

Whereas the Ministry of Health provides us with COVID-19 statistics daily, I find myself inclined to document and journal what I’ve done in a day, and this is what I call, taking stock of the things that I may have overlooked that made my day.

  1. I decided to cut down on processed sugar and this is my third day without it.
  2. I’ve been changing my sleep cycle; now I go to bed by 10pm and get up by 6am. I am working towards going to bed by 10pm and waking up at 5am.
  3. Pitching articles to various editors is something I hoped to do this year and since last month, I’ve sent out 2, hoping to send some more and explore long-form article writing as well.
  4. My Mom is a huge advocate for Education and it gives because she taught for 30 years. Her challenge to me this year was not to give up on fellowships and scholarships because every year I send out at least an application for a fellowship and 2 Masters scholarships- and I get turned down. I got so close last year and it tore me apart- and she told me, not to give up, if I could come in fifth, then maybe I’d get it.
  5. Fitness is not easy. I can write everyday, because I worked on getting this done, but working out has been a challenge that means installing and uninstalling fitness apps- working out two consecutive days then quitting, so I’ll stick to walking. It may do me some good.
  6. I finally gave my visual threshold a chance- and watched two series: The Witcher and Cursed...and can I just say that I am looking forward to the next seasons? Who would have thought that grunting could say so much- because Geralt of Rivia, in The Witcher grunts in response to almost everything!
  7. Comedy! Yes, I’ve always loved Trevor Noah and this month, I discovered K-Von Comedy.

I am looking forward to reading more books, a bit of travel for work because we’re focusing on WASH (Water, Sanitation and Hygiene) projects this round-and most of the schools I’ve visited are in dire need to latrines, hand-washing stations, access to clean treated water and most of all- in need of some infrastructure development.

Have a wonderful week wherever you are.

Favor

Where do you go when you’re hurting?

Within. Without. Yonder?

Where?

Do you take a bus, walk, sit and close your eyes to get there…or do you find yourself there at dawn, restless, nostalgic, but conscious of how much you’ve done to stop hurting but nothing has worked?

Tell, me…

Where do you go when you’re hurting?

For, the place you seek solace can also be your prison…so, tell me, for my soul yearns to know, to listen to another soul that’s been where I am…

And in all you do, would you please do me a favor?

Wherever it is that you run to, I hope you never let it dim that light in you, because we need it.