Quest

I look for myself in places that contain me,

but they can’t sustain me.

In cages so brittle that I wonder how it is I stay locked up.

I look for myself in your opinions, likes, comments, shares, follows

Really, it’s sad now that I think about it,

How easy it is to lose yourself in the world of another,

Yet extremely difficult to claw your way out and forge your own path.

I look for myself in lies, smiles, laughter…everything for the gram,

So, when I sat down with myself, I found it odd that whoever was before me was unknown, aloof and irritable.

I clawed my way out, trust me, I think I did,

And now, I’m on a quest that scares yet excites me,

I am looking not for myself, but my soul.

Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

The traveler

In my travels I seek out people like me, those who have no one to fend for them and in their company I am home.

So, leaving my home in the middle of the night was no coincidence, I needed to get to the Mazuri kingdom, which was a two days journey, in time for the market auctions. Every year, the people of Mazuri welcomed traders from all the kingdoms to trade freely in their land and on this day you would get the best fabric, spices, dishes and women and children dancing and laughing in the arena.

I walked all night only stopping twice to drink from my water gourd and when the sun started gracing the sky I had already made it past our kingdom and into the next. The maidens were making their way to the river early in the morning, in some homes the smoke was just rising into the sky, a sign of the early morning meal being prepared, some were making their way to the farms, others in their kindness greeted me and some smiled. I greeted them in turn and smiled back.

Photo by Oleg Magni on Pexels.com

I loved traveling because outside of my kingdom, I was just a traveler. A stranger. A young beautiful woman making her way around their lands and they did not flinch or run away from me. I also learned not to intervene or lend a helping hand in a way that would draw such suspicion my way. People often needed help but only within their understanding of it, never more or beyond it and that was too much to bear and I learned the hard way.

Our King, having benefited greatly from my help when he was surely on his way to meeting his ancestors decided to banish me from the kingdom activities because I knew what ailed him and he did not want his secret revealed, so instead of telling his truth, he branded me a liar and made it unbearable for me to live among my people. There had been days when left to my own thoughts, I mocked the gods, cursed and insulted them for the life they granted me only to change my mind and thank them for not leaving me unprotected. The things I saw and summoned protected me from the evil anyone planned against me and how then could I mock the very gods who had given this to me?

Updates on life, covid-19 second wave, writing and what a year!

It’s four o’clock in the evening here. I am seated on my bamboo seat typing away my thoughts on my phone.

What a year! Call it double the surprise, for 2020 has been and continues to be the year of unraveling, I mean chill for who?

As I write this, Kenya is seeing a spike in covid-19 cases, our doctors and nurses are mostly on a go-slow because they haven’t been paid in months and they lack the PPE kits to protect them and us from this pandemic and guess what, our politicians are busy pushing for a referendum to have us vote on some amendments and they want it done now…now that people are dying, losing jobs and uncertain of where their next meal will come from.

Yes, and the money for this referendum will be drawn from our taxes and of it’s insufficient, just give our President a pen and he’ll take another loan from another country that our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren will have to pay, thus rendering us forever at the mercy of other nations!

On writing: I am taking part in this month’s national writing challenge which calls for writing 50,000 words by the 30th. I have written 16,002 words so far and I am hoping to go beyond the halfway mark over the weekend.

What I’ve learned this year is that the more I write, the more I become self-conscious of what I am writing and can immediately tell whether a story is resonating with me or not. This has saved me from many incomplete drafts, and it’s something I hope to refine as time goes by with the intention of writing and publishing at least 2 books every year.

I have been doing less reading due to a short bout of fever, nausea and fatigue which I experienced this week, but as soon as I felt some relief I picked up a book by Arthur Rosenfeld called Diamond Eye.

On life and some awesome things I discovered: I’ll say that I have been watching some series on Netflix and I am impatient, so I would rather wait until a season is over then I bingewatch because then it’s easier for me to know what happens till the end and also to quit at the first or second episode. Some of my favorite series so far have been:

  • Emily in Paris ( I love “Love Triangles” as long as I am not caught up in one and this one, had me hooked. I’m glad they renewed it for Season 2, wonder how complicated it’d get and maybe Gabriel would have to go after Emily in Chicago! Now that spinoff would be awesome!)
  • Almost Paradise
  • Love, Life ( this one is on HBO Max I think)

I am looking forward to writing some more over the weekend and listening to some music as well. Hope you are safe wherever you are.

Have a lovely weekend💛.

Dandelion

You remind of something,

What?

I don’t know, maybe I’m out of my mind, maybe it’s the alcohol, who knows but I promised I’d never do this.

I kept my word for two months and then I saw the picture you posted on Facebook.

You were smiling, you always smile, even when you’re hurting or uncertain, it was like being reminded of something I’d buried.

A Pexels.com picture

So, maybe I’m rambling, or just messing things up but I’m not that drunk, not yet…and it is true, you remind me of something wild, free and delicate.

It’s in the way you love; heart, body, mind and soul.

You remind of me something I’ve never held in my hands, but know what it’d feel like in my fingertips.

Wild, free and delicate is what you are, and it hurts knowing just how beautiful you resemble a Dandelion.

Writing my way through November

I am learning that historical fiction is what I love to write most. I have written and published a series and a stand-alone in this genre and now with Nanowrimo, I found myself writing this again.

So, I’ll introduce my title, “Every Market Has a Mad Man,” and share the mock cover I designed for this month’s writing challenge.

every market has a madman (3)

I have written 10,800 words so far and cannot wait to see how much I get done by the end of the month! Until then, I’ll check in with you as time goes by and even as I write this, it’s not lost on me the joy of having a Female Vice President in America come 2021!

Have a great week ahead!

Getting Ready for NanoWrimo 2020

We are one day away. I previously struggled with the notion of taking part and following through on this year’s National Novel Writing Month (NanoWrimo) challenge because I have a book out and another novella in the making, so I was afraid that it’d be too much for me to handle.

I’m waiting on the proof copies of In the Quiet, the novella I wrapped up last month and finally settled on a different cover as well.

However, the part of me that lives for a challenge could not let this go without an attempt.

So, this time around I’m set and looking forward to a couple of key things that I need to work on:

  • A well paced writing schedule; including designated writing time, break time and a bit of review time.
  • Interacting with other writers, learning new tricks, marketing tips and writing styles.
  • Writing more than 40,000 words ☺️
  • Focusing on a project to substantial progress. I tend to start or think of ideas and let them slide, this time I am hoping to follow through on my writing project to the very end.

And in true fashion, I went ahead and bought stationery and got so psyched for this coming month…

50,000 words in 30 days means 11,669 words in a week and 1,667a day. In the previous years, I got exhausted at the halfway mark and this time around I am hoping to get breaks in between and schedule a writing sprint every week to try and catch up. I’ve also been greatly encouraged by the Writers in our NanoWrimo WhatsApp group and I hope to keep on writing.

Until then, I’ll check in with you along the way.

Have an awesome weekend and new month ahead.

Waiting

We think we are the sun and the moon,

Stardust, we are anything but that.

The sun shines in her time, gives way for the moon and in turn the two have never failed the galaxy.

One too hot, the other too bright

One we branded yellow, the other white, yet they give each other time to reign, the moon goes to sleep when the sun rises, sometimes she lingers in the background…slowly drifting away.

Stardust, we think we are the sun and the moon, but it feels like I have been waiting for my time to shine longer than you have.

Why is it that my soul clings to you even when you are miles away?

Why is it that you seek me when I am out of reach? Is this love? Is this companionship or is this madness?

I don’t know anymore Stardust, what I do know is that I won’t stop waiting.

Out and About: Mombasa, Kenya

And somewhere between my home and the sandy beaches of Mombasa, I did not write neither a word nor come up with a story idea for the 10K novel writing challenge.

A part of me was disappointed on 7th October when I tried to sit down and get some words down and nothing came to mind, and once I got on the road, I got caught up in the sights, loved the company of my sisters and in between laughs, I let go, until…yesterday.

So, I’ll bombard you with pictures (the nices ones) of my trip and maybe this will get me writing again or get me to focus on an idea for at least an hour this evening.

The view from Mama Ngina
Fort Jesus in Mombasa
I took this while we were taking a stroll along the Bamburi beach
sunset at the floating bar at Mtwapa

Desire

I wanted,

No, I thought I wanted,

Maybe…look, would you listen?

I think I wanted what you laid out for me; trim figure, flawless skin, good grades, an 8 to 5 job, feet pounding the tarmac, making my way through every box you modeled for me.

I think I wanted it all because you made it seem like the conditions that would earn your love, your approval, your support… until it dawned on me that the life I was living was your’s never mine, your’s.

I wanted it all, because you made it feel like it was all there was to life.

Image courtesy of Pexels.

I wanted it, I worked for it. I earned it.

I fell under the weight of it.

You told me to get up; up from the pain, disappointment and what you called ‘laziness’ and every time I tried, I fell harder, sunk deeper, until I learned that I enjoyed being on my knees.

So, here I am and this is my desire: to live on my own terms.